Welcome to Thomas Hedlund "Integrating Science into the Healing of Heart and Mind"
Thomas Hedlund LMFT
Famous quotes Tom likes:

To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right.
- Confucius

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the law of the universe will be simpler.
- H.D. Thoreau

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mystical. It is the source of all true art and science.
- Albert Einstein

The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
- Albert Einstein

The truth dazzles gradually, or else the world would be blind.
- Emily Dickinson

To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge.
- Copernicus

We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
- T. S. Eliot

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Listen to Thomas Hedlund speaking about a wide range of personal questions, from Healthy Communication to Couples Therapy. Each sound clip is available in all popular streaming sound formats: WMA for Windows Media Player, RA for RealPlayer and mp3 for your iPod.

Healthy Communication:
Healthy communication is the ability to reveal important information about the aspects of one's own experiences without being dependent on anyone else's response to the disclosure. It takes both courage and acceptance.

RA-Stream mp3-Download

Our current ideas and beliefs about intimacy are outdated. They resemble what a child should need and expect from a parent rather than what one adult should need and expect from another. Our old ideas neither facilitate personal responsibility nor accountability.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

Toxic Shame:
Most people are not aware of the critical role that toxic shame plays in Shaping their behavior and their views of themselves. Healing shame is the beginning of new possibilities and choices.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

Healthy Shame:
Healthy Shame looks and sounds like modesty and humility. It is the foundation of true spirituality and the prerequisite for deep forgiveness and compassion.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

The brain gets hijacked in its function not only by mind altering chemicals and behaviors, but also by shame and survival mechanisms. All of these rob us of our true ability to make appropriate and life enhancing decisions especially under stress.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

Compulsive Behavior:
Compulsive behavior is automatic behavior that is hard to change. It arises out of our unconscious survival mechanisms. It operates faster than we can think and often does not respond to even our own rational thinking.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

Affect Regulation:
This new science helps us understand what we truly need to be capable of as human beings to take care of our own emotional states and not be controlled by or controlling of others.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

Recovery is much more than mere abstinence from self destructive behavior. It is the healing and development our our true self. It is a life long process, not an event and ultimately leads us to our own spiritual development.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

The Authentic Self:
The authentic self is what we are all looking for. Once we find it, we find peace and acceptance. As we embrace it's needs and growth, we find compassion and the true purpose to our individual existence.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

The False Self:
The false self is what most of us believe to be our personality. It is not who we are, it is what we have learned. The false self always has shame as its core and security as its primary need.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

Caretaking sends an entirely different message than it is meant to. It says to the other person, I don't believe in you or have faith that you can come up with healthy choices or answers for yourself, so I will do it for you. It reinforces shame, not self esteem.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

Codependency and Anti-dependency:
True independence is neither codependence nor anti-dependence. Codependence depends compulsively on the other and anti-dependence depends compulsively on the self. Only with differentiation can one be truly independent and interdependent.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download

Couples Therapy:
Couples therapy can only help each person change themselves. When we get caught trying to change our partners for our own well being, we put ourselves in the place of children who cannot take care of their own needs.

WMA-Stream RA-Stream mp3-Download


"Tom is one of the few select group of therapists who thoroughly understands the dynamics of emotional healing. I consider him to be one of the most skilled and compassionate therapists I know."

- John Bradshaw,
Emmy nominated talk show host, 3 time New York Times best selling author.

"Tom is a master therapist. He is warm, insightful, and has exceptional skill in original pain work".

-Kip Flock,
JBC, Clinical Director

"Tom, thank you again for your immense capacity for understanding the nature of my anguish.
Sincerely, Gretchen"

"Indecent Exposure"

A four part lecture series on DVD by Thomas Hedlund, LMFT
Order DVD-Series